The Dream Catcher
Families play a vital role in nurturing a child's thinking potential, ensuring they align with societal expectations. Children, however, often think in ways that go beyond theory, reflecting on existence and the nature of being, a concept explored in ontology. Their way of understanding the world isn't confined to scientific methods, allowing them to grasp everyday experiences with unique clarity.
Amara's recent string of bad dreams made me reflect on the inner world of children—how delicate it is, and how easily it can be shaped by unseen forces. This world should be protected, not weighed down by external pressures.
After one particularly unsettling nightmare, Amara and her mother worked together to create a dream catcher. Soon, her dreams improved.
We weren't entirely sure where she got the idea—perhaps from a movie she had paid more attention to than I had. Following Amara's instructions, her mother carefully built the dream catcher, and for a while, it seemed to work.
But the good dreams didn't last. Amara became afraid to sleep, worried that she would 'catch' more bad dreams.
I prayed with her before bedtime, asking Jesus to bring her peaceful dreams. I even suggested she could take control of her dreams while they happened—admittedly, a big ask for a seven-year-old.
Then Amara came up with a solution that amazed me. She told me the dream catcher was full and needed to be emptied. She said it so matter-of-factly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
I told her she was absolutely right. I took the dream catcher, opened the window, and shook it outside. That night, she slept soundly again.
This small ritual made me think of R.D. Laing's concept of the divided self—the way we construct inner realities to protect ourselves—and Karl Jaspers' exploration of children's innate philosophical abilities. Jaspers, a German-Swiss philosopher and psychiatrist, argued that children, in their purest moments of thought, often touch on the deepest philosophical questions. Watching Amara, I couldn't help but agree.
Children have a unique way of thinking that is free from abstract concepts, allowing them to experience life in a way that feels closer to everyday reality and a more fundamental sense of being. As they grow, the clash between their inner world and the demands of the outside world often creates internal conflict. In The Divided Self, R.D. Laing explains that people have an innate desire to live authentically. This authenticity is tied to the inner self—a person's true sense of identity, shaped by how they see themselves. It's not about meeting societal expectations but about staying true to one's own perspective as a subject among others.
In contrast, the external self is how individuals present themselves to meet the expectations of society. It's the way we show ourselves to others in our community, often by fulfilling roles imposed by the outside world—sometimes at the expense of our inner self. Laing argues that this division between the internal and external selves creates a fractured identity. The person struggles to find their place in the world, caught between staying true to their inner self and conforming to the demands of the external world.
Amara's fear of bad dreams is a genuine, subjective experience rooted in her inner self. Dismissing these fears as mere illusions would undermine her inner world—a space that allows her to connect with a pure and unfiltered sense of being. Protecting this inner world from external impositions is essential.
Laing also introduces the idea of ontological insecurity, which describes the struggle to affirm one's place in the world when the inner self is abandoned in favor of the external self. This insecurity can manifest in various ways, especially when the conflict between the two selves becomes overwhelming. In such cases, individuals may feel disconnected from both their internal world and the social expectations of the external world. This disconnection can lead to feelings of alienation and, in extreme cases, to conditions like schizophrenia, where the self becomes fragmented, unable to reconcile its inner and outer dimensions.
Laing argued that what is often labeled as insanity is actually the creation of a new reality by a self in distress. He believed this condition should be understood by engaging with the individual's subjective experiences and inner world, rather than diagnosing and treating it purely through scientific methods. In Amara's case, the act of "fixing" the dream catcher to help her have good dreams again avoided creating conflict between her inner and external selves. The dream catcher resonated with her subjective world and provided a solution grounded in her own perspective, rather than being imposed from the outside.
Laing identified two main flaws in the scientific psychiatric model for addressing the condition of ontological insecurity. First, scientists are unable to truly access the inner world of an individual because they study people as objects rather than understanding them as unique, subjective beings. They impose external standards to interpret an individual's inner experiences. Second, the scientific approach fails to create an equal, horizontal relationship between the psychiatrist and the patient. Instead, it positions the psychiatrist as superior, overlooking the fact that both individuals have inner worlds. Laing favored a phenomenological and existential approach, which focused on understanding the individual's lived experience and avoided rigid scientific theories or models. He viewed the person as a divided self, caught between their internal and external worlds, and sought to understand them through their everyday existence.
Laing was deeply critical of traditional psychiatry, seeing it as playing a policing role rather than genuinely helping individuals. He argued this practice was flawed for two reasons. First, it imposes an external sense of reality onto a person's inner, subjective world, dismissing their personal experiences. Second, it acts to discipline and control individuals, pushing them to conform to societal norms and expectations rather than healing them. This approach suppresses the inner self in favor of enforcing compliance with external rules and values.
Laing highlighted the influence of family life on how children develop the cognitive tools they use to understand the world. He noted a significant gap between how children experience the world subjectively and the external reality imposed on them. Amara's way of interpreting good and bad dreams reflects how children create their own solutions to everyday problems. By emptying and "fixing" the dream catcher, I helped Amara avoid the conflict between her inner world and the external expectations placed upon her. This approach preserved her authentic sense of self without forcing her to conform to a purely scientific framework that would view her as just a biological organism.
Children can respond to such dilemmas in different ways. One option is to comply with the demands of the external world and conform to its expectations. Another is to remain true to their inner self and subjective aspirations. Gregory Bateson described this as a double bind—a situation where children face conflicting interpretations, with either choice leading to an unfavorable outcome.
This understanding is critical to analyzing madness, which Laing saw as a way to move beyond the constraints of these two conflicting options. Madness is not merely an alignment with the inner or outer self; it emerges from the tension of a divided self. Addressing this requires more than medical knowledge—it calls for an existential exploration of the internal dynamics where ontological insecurity arises. This kind of analysis connects the self with the world and the pursuit of authenticity. As William Blake insightfully remarked, "The fool that persists in his folly will become wise."
We often dismiss children's thoughts as random or unimportant in shaping our understanding of the world. They are often viewed as immature and lacking the abstract thinking required to develop more sophisticated ideas. However, if we pay closer attention, we can see that children have a unique, unfiltered way of perceiving reality that reflects their inner selves and connects deeply to everyday life. Families often disrupt this inner world by imposing external standards on how children should think and view the world. This pressure prevents children from nurturing their natural insights, forcing them to conform to the expectations of others. Amara's experience with dreams and the dream catcher shows that cognitive challenges should be resolved within their own context rather than relying on external solutions. By preserving her original way of engaging with the world, Amara avoids the kind of control and normalization that psychiatrists often apply to their patients. The family's tendency to impose external norms restricts the self, limiting its ability to follow an authentic path.
While Laing highlighted how family dynamics suppress the internal self, Jaspers emphasized children's ability to form a unique, unmediated understanding of the world. He argued that the questions children ask are not random but reflect their efforts to grasp their place within the broader mystery of existence. Children encounter reality not as a separate object or pure thought but as an intricate and mysterious horizon that shapes their awareness. This natural curiosity often leads them to profound philosophical insights about life. However, families tend to stifle this originality by replacing it with external ideas and norms. As children grow, they abandon their innate questions and adopt the imposed views of the external world. Amara's thoughts on dreams and her openness to mystery illustrate her ability to see the world without reducing it to mere instruments of practicality, avoiding the trap of overly rational, scientific thinking.
The sense of wonder that children naturally possess forms the basis of philosophical inquiry but is often replaced by conventional moral values that limit their imagination. As Jaspers explains, children are captivated by profound questions, such as the relationship between change and permanence. Amara's experience with dreams reflects this curiosity, as she treated the dream state as a genuine cognitive challenge, not just a fleeting illusion. For her, dreams were part of her inner reality, and the dream catcher became her creative way of addressing the mystery she was facing. When children are not deprived of their inner self or their ability to pursue personal aspirations, they respond to the mysteries of existence with spontaneity and authenticity.
At this stage, their perspective reveals a metaphysical depth and a natural quest for an authentic existence rooted in everyday life. Their understanding is unfiltered, lacking the rigid categories that typically mediate adult thought. Children approach the world as a whole, free from the dualism of subject and object, and this allows them to experience life in its entirety. By preserving this freedom of thought, they develop a sense of self that is unified, free from the split between the inner and external selves. Unlike adults, children don't perceive the world as divided—they see it as whole and interconnected.
Laing identified this holistic approach as the remedy for the ontological insecurity that arises when the self becomes divided.
Amara's ability to approach the world with spontaneity and wonder offers a lesson not just for children but for us all. Her dream catcher is more than a simple tool; it symbolizes the power of the inner self to address life's mysteries with creativity and authenticity. It reminds us that the solutions to many of life's challenges don't necessarily come from external frameworks or rigid systems but often from the unfiltered depths of our own imagination and subjective experience.
As adults, we may have lost the rawness of this perspective, but we can still learn to embrace it—perhaps not by reclaiming our childhood selves but by nurturing a new openness to the world around us. By allowing ourselves to wonder, to question, and to step outside of pre-imposed categories, we can reconnect with a way of being that values authenticity over conformity, and imagination over abstraction. In this, we might find not only answers but a deeper sense of meaning, grounded in a world we've allowed ourselves to rediscover.
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